Episode 23: “Who’s Cheating Who”

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32 million users of the website Ashley Madison, long billed a secure, discreet place to get your dick wet with someone other than your wife, or get rode hard by someone other than your husband, or any other iteration of romantic coupling you choose, had their data hacked and distributed by an unknown group of individuals calling themselves the Impact Team, which as hacking name is pretty bad.  I mean Impact Team comes across as the title of a working group trying to drum up sales for a plumbing supply company in Wichita, not a cabal of secretive wunderkind breaking the Matrix. If we learn anything from this entire morass, and we won’t it should be first do not put ANYTHING on the Internet!  Ever.  Turn off your computers,  throw your phone into the river and run screaming into the wilderness.  Privacy is an utter illusion, no matter how much a website tells you your data is safe it. is. not.  NOTHING is “safe” on the Internet.

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Episode 22: “My Baby Is American Made”

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What, you might ask, is birthright citizenship?  Well, you probably aren’t asking because my listeners are all intelligent, educated people who took a basic high school civics class before they started eliminating them because an educated citizen is a DANGEROUS citizen.  But, as a refresher there are three ways one is a citizen of the United States, you can naturalize meaning you come here and go through the process of becoming a citizen, which largely consists of taking a high school civics class and passing the final.  The second is to be born of citizen parents abroad which explains how Rafael Cruz is able to run for President after being born in Canada.  The third and most common way is be BORN here, right in the good ole us of a.  This one, the way most of us get citizened is a problem for T-Rump and a lot of other Republicans, because there is a loophole that allows pretty much anyone who exits a uterus to just get their constitutional rights the second they draw a breath.

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Episode 21: “Weekend at Bernies”

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Bernie believes in the things he is saying, his entire political life he’s stood up for Left Wing issues and goals.  He has CONSISTENTLY voted his conscience of matters that matter to his constituency and himself.  Unlike most politicians, he doesn’t back away from his actual views when they are politically inconvenient.   Sander’s entire political career has featured him aggressively championing political issues on the Left, unapologetically defending the progressive agenda and clearly defining himself as outside of the mainstream political process.  Most politicians tack toward their base in the Primary to win the nomination and come back Center for the general, Bernie stays Bernie, and even if you don’t AGREE with him, you have to admire a politician who is not COMPLETELY full of shit.

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Episode 20A Local Edition “I Have A Big Butt, I Cannot Lie”

The Awesome Fro of Slim Goodbody!
The Awesome Fro of Slim Goodbody!

Now I see myself as the disgusting fat body I truly am, and if you would like have your body image completely shattered too, head clothes shopping in Manhattan!  Yesterday I arranged to meet my Life Coach Gwin–she isn’t actually my life coach, she just helps me to do grown up things like get good jobs or buy adult man clothes with band logos or half naked men them…I really think I was doing that last one wrong…but Gwin and headed out to midtown to purchase clothes appropriate for professional office setting.

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Episode Twenty: “Even I Hate the Poor, Now”

16 Nov 1930, Chicago, Illinois, USA --- Notorious gangster Al Capone attempts to help unemployed men with his soup kitchen "Big Al's Kitchen for the Needy."  The kitchen provides three meals a day consisting of soup with meat, bread, coffee, and doughnuts, feeding about 3500 people daily at a cost of $300 per day. --- Image by © Bettmann/CORBIS
16 Nov 1930, Chicago, Illinois, USA — Notorious gangster Al Capone attempts to help unemployed men with his soup kitchen “Big Al’s Kitchen for the Needy.” The kitchen provides three meals a day consisting of soup with meat, bread, coffee, and doughnuts, feeding about 3500 people daily at a cost of $300 per day. — Image by © Bettmann/CORBIS

0.1% of the people in America have basically as much money as 90% of the rest of America–now that is kind of hard to grasp as a real number so let me put it another way.  You and the family decide you are going to have some delicious Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner tonight and you send your cousin Big Teddy out to pick up a ten piece bucket and sides.  And Big Teddy gets the dinner and fucking eats that shit in the car on the way, all the sides, the dinner rolls and nine out of the ten pieces of succulent 11 herbs and spices fried chicken on the way back.  All that is left when Big Teddy gets back is one wing, one little wing, and he give THAT to cousin Elroy, who is Big Teddy’s boy going back to when you guys were kids and Elroy eats all the good part of that wing; the little drumstick and two bone part. ALL the rest the family has to eat that night is that shitty, shitty little piece of cartilage with no meat and barely any of the phenomenal goodness of the batter…fuck you Big Teddy, fuck you Elroy, you greedy bastards, now the rest of us are sucking the finger licking good grease off the side of chicken barrel, you douchebags!



 

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Storytime Episode 1: Jesus Is Open in the Endzone

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Of course, this was because in southeastern Tennessee in the 1970’s football wasn’t played on Sunday, it was on Saturday, because that is when the University of Tennessee Volunteers played. (A few heretics rooted for the University of Georgia Bulldogs, but they were like Catholics, damned by their own choice.) Being just fifty or so miles south of Neyland Stadium, or Rocky Top, for one day a week the Vols were bigger than Jesus.

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