I’ve been hashtag blessed to witness some crazy shit in my years on this planet, from my earliest experiences watching a whole country lose their collective shit over the idea that Satanic Cults were sweeping the nation and conducting child sacrifices and teach devil worship through a game containing elves and dwarves, the a vice president who couldn’t spell potato and who got in fights with TV characters, to a vice president’s wife who decided that dirty language in music was corrupting the morals of America to a President impeached for diddling an intern by a congress who acted as though they’d NEVER dipped into the cigar humidor! Through an election decided by the Supreme Court, a country losing their collective shit after its first real terrorist attack, two wars, one of which based on patent lies, the collective Right shitting kittens because a Black Man was elected President, two years of birth certificates, the Rise of the Tea Tards, the primal scream of of his RE-ELECTION and ALL of that pales in comparison to the sheer bug fuck crazy of 2015.
The Chrisma-Nazi INSISTS you share their special joy of Christmas, whether you want to or not. You know the one, the festive sweaters, lots of plates of cookies, enthusiastic to the point where you have to suspect they are doing a toot in the ladies rooms—there are an inordinate amount of Christmas decorations on their office cube—every office has one, every FAMILY has one and they are here to FORCE you to love Christmas just as much as they do. You literally cannot tell this person you have no desire to share in the love of the little baby Jesus, Santa Claus or wear that fucking Santa Hat she will not listen to you, she cannot be reasoned with, she will NOT STOP until you are MERRY! When you finally snap, and god help you, you WILL eventually snap, the Chrisma-nazi assumes the same expression as a puppy you’ve just accidentally kicked because it doesn’t have the common sense to keep out from under your feet—until you relent and put on that stupid fucking Santa hat and she is happy again.